


Dancing With Your Ghost

by Lovingthisstory



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bisexual Peter Parker, Depressed Harley Keener, Fluff and Angst, Gay Harley Keener, Harley Keener Needs a Hug, Harley Keener cries, Harley Keener-centric, Hurt Harley Keener, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Infinity War Compliant, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Not Beta Read, One Shot, Sad Harley Keener, Self-Esteem Issues, Songfic, no happy ending, parkner
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-14
Updated: 2019-08-14
Packaged: 2020-08-23 12:18:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20242747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lovingthisstory/pseuds/Lovingthisstory
Summary: When the decimation happened, Harley lost Peter.Title inspired by: 'Dancing with your ghost' - Sasha Sloan





	Dancing With Your Ghost

**Author's Note:**

> Song in the fic: Dancing With Your Ghost by Sasha Sloan (Anything in bold is the song lyrics.)

**\---**  
**Yelling at the sky, screaming at the world.**  
**\--- **

Coarse fingers land on the grey headstone, salty droplets quietly sitting on the dewy grass. Harley tries to convince himself it’s the rain. The trees whispering among themselves as he listens mutely. Wet dewdrops seep through his jeans as he sits down. He stares at the grainy writing, fingers ever so lightly tracing the name that it was a ghost of a touch. 

**\---**  
**Baby, why'd you go away? I'm still your girl.**  
**\---**

_Why? _He grits his teeth, blinking rapidly. He refuses to cry again. Dark eye-bags underline his tired swollen eyes, tiny beads sitting atop his long lashes. His breath stuttering as he tries to take a deep breath. 

_In and out._  
_In and out._

Fingers stabbing into his palms as he restricts the tears screaming to be let out. Scarlet crescent moons accessorise his damp hands directly above the rosy streaks on the underside of his forearms.

**\---**  
**Holding on too tight, head up in the clouds.**  
**\---**

He sits on his knees, his sweaty palms gripping at the wet grass. Water seeps in between his fingers where he wished Peter’s hand could be. Peter’s name swirling in Harley’s mind, his mouth itching to say it once more. Just to see his face again, to hear him call his name again. 

_Come back. I need you here. Please come back. _

_Please._

**\---**  
**Heaven only knows, where you are now**  
\--- 

He numbly stands up. It’s been three months since the decimation. Three whole months since Harley lost Peter. The world lost Spider-Man but Harley lost his world. His back turned on the gravestone, he swallows the lump in his throat. Words try to claw his way out of his throat, choking and leaving him with incoherent painful sobs. 

**\---**  
**How do I love? How do I love again?**  
\--- 

It hurts. It hurts so much. He’s trying so hard not to relapse. To go back to how he was before he met Peter. But maybe he wants to. His world before he met Peter wasn’t good but it didn’t burn this much. If he never met Peter, where would he be now? Would he have been hurting this much? Would he be suffering this much? He doesn’t want this pain but… he never wants to forget Peter. 

His head hits the soft pillow, the lingering smell of cologne and shampoo wriggling its way into his nose. He tightly hugs the pillow with every bit of strength he has left. Strangled hiccups fill the room for a minute before the silence swallows them whole.

**\---**  
**How do I trust? How do I trust again?**  
\--- 

A wilting bouquet of roses and carnations sit on the table right next to a picture of him and Peter. Evil flowers are easy to find. They were the ones sitting on his bedside table, wilting just like he was. The flowers people considered to be happy and romantic? Are also the ones that would give them sadness and grief. Harley considered them to be evil. They provided this happiness that could all be taken away in just a single breath. 

Most of Harley’s nights nowadays consisted of him staring up at the ceiling for hours, either reminiscing memories or staring at Peter’s gift. The gift that he never got to give Peter. 

**\---**  
**I stay up all night, tell myself I'm alright,**  
\--- 

He stares at the gift as the calming sounds of rain fill his ears. So many people have been trying to convince him that he needs a therapist. He’s sick of it. He knew he wasn’t fine. He knew he needed help. But he thought he had gotten past that. Then why are all the voices coming back? These days, the voices in his head are the only ones who actually listen to him. Peter used to listen. 

But he’s not here anymore.

**\---**  
**Baby, you're just harder to see than most**  
\--- 

Sometimes, he likes to imagine what Peter would be doing right now if he was here. What they would be doing right now. The ache in his heart hurting so much more than he thought it ever would. He stands up and puts the gift back into the metal drawer. Pulling on the blanket around him, he slowly walks around the room. His hand lingering on a picture frame, dull grey eyes staring at bright brown ones. 

His lips slowly part and he whispers to himself, “Peter.” 

**\---**  
**I put the record on, wait 'til I hear our song.**  
\--- 

_“Because, when the sun shines, we shine together. Told you I’ll be here forever.” Peter loudly sings as he dances around the room. _

_Harley grins with a phone in his hands, recording every single moment. “Hey Pete, say superstar!” _

_“Harley, delete that right now!” _

_“This is gold. Pure gold.”_

_“Stop recording!” Peter covers his face, blushing furiously as he tries to swipe Harley’s phone. _

_Harley runs away and Peter chases after him. Its moments like this which Harley wishes could last forever. _

**\---**  
**Every night I'm dancing with your ghost**  
**\---**

Harley shakes his head at the thought, smiling sadly to himself. “My superstar.”

**\---**  
**Never got the chance, to say a last goodbye. **  
\--- 

_Peter grabs Harley by his collar, kissing him hard. Harley pulls away, giving him a confused look. _

_“We’re all going to die!” Ned yells, gaining his classmates’ attention. _

_‘Get back safely okay?’ Harley’s eyes seemed to say to Peter as he swings away towards danger. _

_Little did he know, he would never see Peter again as the red and blue figure disappeared into space. _

**\---**  
**I gotta move on, but it hurts to try.**  
\--- 

“Friday, play the file ‘Harley and Peter Moments’.”

A screen appears in front of him, Peter smiling at him. 

“So, Harley has just woken up and is taking a shower. Let’s just say, I hope pink is his colour.” He giggles mischievously.

“What the f-” Peter starts to laugh and Harley smiles at the image. He has a semi pink towel wrapped around his waist and a mountain of pastel pink hair sits on the top of his head. “Peter!”

Peter yelps and starts to run, Harley chasing after him with an angry expression. The video ends with Harley tackling Peter. Harley remembers that day so clearly.

_Harley tackles Peter to the ground, pinning his arms above his head. “Peter, what is this?”_

_“Pink hair dye?” Harley rolls his eyes._

_“Say you’re sorry.” Peter shakes his head while giggling. _

_“No.” _

_Harley starts to tickle him. “Say you’re sorry.” _

_“Okay, okay! I-I’m s-sorry Harles.” He says in the middle of his breaths. _

_Harley smirks. “Apology not accepted.” _

_Peter lifts his head up and kisses him. “I’m really sorry Harles.” _

_Harley pulls away. “Apology accepted.” He says before dipping down to kiss Peter again._

**\---**  
**I stay up all night, tell myself I'm alright,**  
\--- 

There’s a knock on his door and Harley looks up from the floating screen. 

“Harley?” A voice calls from behind the door. “Dinner is ready. If you want, you can come down when you’re ready.”

He doesn’t reply. “You can’t hide in there forever Harles. Please just talk to me. Just let me know how you’re doing.” Pepper sighs and shuts her eyes. “Please.”

“I’m fine.” His voice croaky from disuse. 

“But you’re not. Talk to me Harley.”

“I said I’m fine.” 

Pepper sadly sighs and the footsteps get quieter and quieter. Harley sits in silence for a minute before moving on to the next video.

**\---**  
**Baby, you're just harder to see than most.**  
\--- 

He knows he should talk to Pepper. God, Pepper knows exactly what he’s going through. He knows he has to move on but… he’s not ready. He can’t. Not right now. 

**\---**  
**I put the record on, wait 'til I hear our song.**  
\--- 

The screen lights up with another video. 

Peter sitting in Harley’s lap underneath a mistletoe. Harley’s blushing as Peter nuzzles his nose against Harley’s before gently kissing him. 

“Get a room!” Tony yells and everyone laughs. Peter pulls away and sticks his tongue out at Tony. He points to the mistletoe above them. 

“It’s a Christmas rule, Mr Stark.” Tony rolls his eyes and Harley hugs Peter.

The video becomes blurry and tears start to stream down Harley’s face. He frantically wipes them away, but they won’t stop. Before he knows it, he’s sobbing again. His eyes bloodshot and hurting from him rubbing at them. 

_Please come back. _

_I’m sorry. _

**\---**  
**Every night I'm dancing with your ghost.**  
\--- 


End file.
